Heading to the Land Down Under

My wardrobe has changed little over the last two decades: Shorts and T-shirts in summer; Carhartts and wool shirts in winter.

Dressing up means a clean shirt with a collar, and jeans.

Even on vacation that wardrobe changed little.

Until now.

Tomorrow I board a flight to Australia. My talented wife is being honored at an authors conference in Adelaide, and I’m tagging along. While Barb — wearing fashionable attire — attends events at the conference, I’m free to explore. Carhartts should suffice. After all, it is winter down there.

But on a couple of occasions, I’ll have to step it up a bit.

Enter my skinny black jeans. Talked into buying them a few years ago by a silver-tongued clerk in a men’s store in Spokane, I’ve been too embarrassed to wear them around anyone who knows me.

Skinny my entire life, I certainly don’t seek out clothes that make me look skinnier.

“Hey, Heinlein,” I’ve always feared some acquaintance would shout, “Are you wearing skinny jeans?”

I suspect that won’t be an issue in the Southern Hemisphere, except that they make me look like Joe Biden.

Barb writes as B.J. Daniels and it’s embarrassing enough to be called “Mr. Daniels,” at these affairs without being mistaken for the President.

I’ve been online looking for things to do while Barb is busy, and my usual attire should suffice for walks on the beach, fishing the Southern Ocean and exploring dive bars. Even on a side trip to Tasmania, where I hope to see a devil, I should be dressed somewhat appropriately.

And if I’m not? Who cares?

I doubt folks Down Under will spend much time talking about the oddly dressed American.

Packing my suitcase last night I realized I was taking more clothes on this trip than I’ve worn in a year. At Barb’s urging I even packed a pair of slacks I used to wear when I worked in an office.

I’m hoping I don’t need them.

They also make me look somewhat Biden-esque — another old white man in tight pants.

I prefer something a bit more nondescript, like raggedy Carhartts and an old Cooke City Store T-shirt. There’s a chance I might run into somebody I know, and I’d hate for anyone to think I’m putting on airs.

Parker Heinlein is at [email protected]