A Shocking Idea

While packing up my hunting gear at the end of the season I realized Dot’s e-collar was switched on, the green light still blinking feebly.

I turned it off and started to put it back in its box then realized I might need it again before next fall.

Commonly referred to as a “shock” collar, it’s what I use to keep Dot in range, an electronic leash of sorts. Among the options on the controller are two small buttons for tone and vibrate, and a larger one that administers an electric shock. I call it the “ouch” button.

I use the “ouch” button sparingly, worried that too much pain could lessen the young dog’s enthusiasm for the hunt. On the other hand I nearly wore out the tone button last fall keeping her close.

Only when she disappeared from sight and didn’t respond to the tone button did I ever hit the big button. The response was usually immediate. Her yelp let me know where she was, but it also quickened her return.

It’s remarkable the response a little shock elicits.

I can’t help but wonder who else might benefit from an occasional shock besides my dog.

Politicians come quickly to mind. How satisfying it would be to hit the big button after attempts to stop the malarkey when the tone and vibrate failed.

Light ‘em up. Listen to the yelps. Make the correction. Let them know that if they say something stupid it will hurt.

Same with those annoying folks on the house hunter shows who insist on an open floor plan, and simply can’t live with that backsplash. The walk-in closet isn’t big enough. Hit the button. Turn ‘em inside out. Correct that entitled behavior.

But while I try to use the “ouch” button as seldom as possible with Dot, I fear I’d wear it out on politicians and lottery winners. There would be no tone or vibration as a warning. What fun would that be other than to let them know what’s coming?

There’d also be no worry about lessening their enthusiasm. I’d relish it.

For far too long stupid and annoying behavior has been tolerated. Let’s change that. Hit the big button. Make them cry out in pain.

Electronic stimulation is the path to a better world.

Just ask Dot.

Parker Heinlein is at [email protected]