I don't want you to be disappointed

I recently read that Kalispell is the fastest-growing town of its size in the nation. Bozeman isn’t far behind in third place.

Apparently both towns offer what newcomers are looking for: mountainous vistas, fast-flowing streams, and every retail shopping and dining opportunity available.

But now an even more ominous trend is beginning to creep across the sprawling Big Sky landscape: folks are leaving those over-crowded hot spots and moving to the ‘burbs, in this case eastern Montana. Could Glendive be the next place to be?

I hope not.

And not because I happen to make my home on the endless, tree-less prairie that covers half the state.

No, it’s simply because I don’t want anyone to be disappointed, and this is a land of disappointment.

It hasn’t rained out here in a couple of years so forget about that manicured lawn and lush vegetable garden. Besides, anything that turns green is soon eaten by the few surviving ungulates that wander the empty streets in our dying towns.

The decades-long drought, however, hasn’t put a dent in the mosquito population which grows ever more bloodthirsty as the temperatures rise. Triple-digit highs are the norm during our arid, smoky summers.

Folks out here used to raise grain and cattle, but both need water and that’s in short supply.

There never were many people here, and each year now there are fewer. They’re a suspicious bunch, too, leery of strangers except for those running for political office.

“Why,” they ask, “would anyone want to move here unless they could be in charge?”

Once the summer heat abates and the smoke begins to clear, it gets cold, thirty-below cold for weeks on end. Winter sports enthusiasts might think that’s dandy, but it’s seldom accompanied by snow, certainly not enough for skiing or snowmobiling. Usually, it just snows enough to make walking dangerous.

So don’t be disappointed. This isn’t Bozeman or Kalispell. While it’s cold, the wind is always blowing, and the map still says Montana, there are no outlet stores up here, nary a Chick-fil-A to be found, and few places to charge a Tesla.

It’s a bleak, bitter landscape better left alone.

Enjoy the amenities that the Flathead and Gallatin valleys offer. Go nuts. Take in the views, buy a latte, attend a hearing on affordable housing.

Just stay where you are.

Believe me.

I don’t want you to be disappointed.

Parker Heinlein is at [email protected]