Phil, why did you let me down?

 I don’t put much stock in old wives tales and the like, choosing science over myth when given a choice.

Unless, of course, it suits me.

And an early spring always suits me.

That’s why, on the second day of February every year for as long as I can remember, I anxiously watch the morning news to see if Punxsatawney Phil has seen his shadow. If so, the story goes, we’re in for six more weeks of winter.

You’d think by now I’d know better.

The Pennsylvania groundhog is only right about half of the time and rarely predicts an early spring. This year is no exception. Phil saw his shadow, and I immediately went into a deep funk over the prognostications of an overweight rodent.

I want to hear that spring is on the way, not that winter is going to hang on for another six weeks.

It made me so mad I wanted to light up that varmint with a secret Jewish space laser.

By this time each winter I’m ready for a change. The snow, the cold, and the ice have all become tiresome. So I was hoping for a bit of encouragement from the groundhog, even though there’s been little snow, cold and ice this winter.

What’s worse is that I believe in this nonsense. At least for the day my mood hinges on how much shade can a woodchuck cast if a woodchuck can dominate the morning news cycle?

And why is it, in this age of demonizing the press, no one is crying “Fake news,” at Phil’s prediction?

Really.

This year it was snowing in Pennsylvania. How could he see his shadow?

I suspect a hoax of the magnitude never before seen in this country. Someone call a lawyer.

Not wanting to accept Phil’s forecast I turned to the national weather forecast instead and was disinheartened further. The coldest weather of the winter is on tap for the coming weeks.

Phil was right,

Again.

What a genius that rodent is, predicting six more weeks of winter, when there are just over six more weeks of winter left on the calendar.

How does he do it?

I’ll try to settle down and accept the inevitable: It’s going to be winter for a while yet.

Not for long, however. Then it will begin to warm and the woodchucks will emerge from hibernation. They should be on the lookout this year. I’m seeking some retribution.

Parker Heinlein is at [email protected]