Call me 'Mr. Green Jeans'

I’m not a very fashionable guy.

Since leaving the newspaper in Bozeman 14 years ago I’ve pretty much worn the same clothes every day. In particular, the same pants.

A good friend who used to work in Yellowstone Park wasn’t allowed to use his national park clothing allowance on the boots he wanted so he’d order extra pants instead and give them to me. He retired a few years ago and now I’m down to my last pair.

My wife hates them. She thought the pair I’m wearing now were my last, and was quite disappointed when I found one more pair in the closet.

I, on the other hand, was elated. Green, ill-fitting, and made in Mexico, they usually last me about a year. Because they’re the same uniform pants worn by lots of state and federal employees, I always figured they gave me an air of legitimacy that jeans or Carhartts didn’t. From a distance I hoped to look like I belonged in places where perhaps I shouldn’t be.

Regardless, they held up well to abuse, and become more comfortable the older they got.

Until I found the last pair I’d been wondering what to wear next. Barb said no more green pants and I’d agreed, but in truth, it was only to placate her.

I see a lot of people commenting on social media about living in sweat pants or other casual wear during the pandemic. For me it’s simply the same ol’ same ol’. I get up in the morning, put on my green pants and my cleanest dirty shirt, and I’m ready for the day.

I waste no time wondering what I’m going to wear leaving more time to think about more pressing issues like breakfast.

Call me Mr. Green Jeans. I was always an admirer of Captain Kangaroo’s sidekick.

It’s not that I don’t know better. After all, I was the fashion editor at the Bozeman Chronicle for years. It’s just that old green pants fit my lifestyle. I don’t hesitate to kneel in the dirt while gardening or wipe off pike slime on them while fishing, and they’re sturdy enough to bust through the brush when I’m chasing the dogs in the fall.

I try not to think about what‘s going to happen when this last pair wears out. But having given no thought to my pants for more than a decade, maybe it’s time.

Parker Heinlein is at [email protected].