She loves me anyway

My wife and I got in a fight last week.

She accused me of purposely not putting her on fish.

I told her that was preposterous. Nothing makes me happier than watching her catch fish.

Then why aren’t we catching anything, she asked?

Looking at her tear-stained face I realized it was time to confess the truth, a truth already known to my other fishing buddies, but a secret I’d kept from her: I’m simply not a very good fisherman.

Oh, I love to fish, and spend an inordinate amount of time doing so, an embarrassingly long time considering my lack of success, but I’m just not very good at the catching part.

It’s not that I don’t practice enough or have the right gear. For goodness sake, I own five boats and have a cabin on a lake. I have fish-finders and downriggers, racks of rods, and tackle boxes full of the latest lures and flies.

I’ve fished lakes and ponds, big rivers, and tiny creeks from one end of the country to the other. I’ve not caught fish in the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, and been skunked on the Gulf of Mexico.

I look like a guy who probably catches a lot of fish, and I’m at that age where other anglers come to me for advice, raising an eyebrow when I tell them I haven’t had a bite all week. They’re sure I’m keeping secret some special technique or bait.

The secret, however, is something else, and I’d kept it from my wife for far too long. She remains skeptical, bless her heart, but I need her to accept this as her new reality: it’s nothing personal, it’s just ineptitude and incompetence on her husband’s part.

I try. For hours on end I try. But while I’m at peace with my lack of success it’s frustrating for my wife who still can’t believe I’m such a crummy angler.

“You’ve gotta be kidding,” she exclaimed, when I told her the truth. “You’re not just being mean to me?”

“No, honey,” I said, my voice breaking with emotion. “I’m simply a bad fisherman.”

She told me it didn’t matter. She loved me anyway.

After a couple of days, though, she suggested it might be healthy if we spent some time apart. She said she needed to think.

In the boat.

By herself.

I sure hope she catches something.

Parker Heinlein is at [email protected].