These exciting times

These are exciting times in which we live.

Instead of simply wishing for the good old days, we’re bringing them back -- doing away with onerous environmental safeguards and returning national monuments to just plain old land.

Heck, soon we’ll be able to hunt grizzly bears again.

Those folks clamoring for more logging and mineral extraction may even get their wish.

And really, why look ahead when the past was so promising?

Let’s disregard that foolish talk about climate change, accept the fact that our presence has no impact on the planet, and get back to work. Or at least let the foreign interests seeking to rape and pillage our state get to work and provide us with high-paying, short-term jobs. Once they’ve left, we can enjoy at least a year of good unemployment income while we sit home and wait for someone else to offer us work.

The Yellowstone caldera is about to blow any day now. What are we waiting for?

I’m most excited about a relaxation of rules regarding air quality. As a kid, one of my chores was to burn the trash. Eventually however, hippies and liberal politicians put the damper on my trash fires, deciding that landfills made more sense than a burn barrel. And while over the years I’ve learned to relish my trips to the dump, I’d still rather burn trash than haul it.

I foolishly accepted the notion that burning trash causes air pollution until smoke from forest fires hundreds of miles away made it difficult for me to breathe, and I realized my burn barrel was not the problem. Again, it was hippies and liberal politicians, this time putting the kibosh on clear-cutting the forests, which would have greatly reduced the chance of fire.

Thank goodness the wise leader of this great country chose sort of a Montanan as Secretary of the Interior. War hero and former part-time Big Sky resident Ryan Zinke is going to make it great again, turning back the clock to a simpler, less angst-ridden time.

At the moment Zinke is busy removing as many protections on the land and critters as he can, de-monumenting and de-listing at a furious pace.

It’s only a matter of time before he gets to air quality. And really, how clean does the air have to be?

I have no doubt, before long, I’ll be firing up the burn barrel again, basking in the sweet smoke of the past. What could be wrong with that?

Parker Heinlein is [email protected].