Morons in 'Brown Town'

I’ve become a fan of reality TV.

Whether it’s due to the weather or a lack of ambition, I’m hooked.

While I have no interest in the Kardashians or any of the various housewife dramas on the small screen, I’ll watch in addled fascination almost any of the shows that involve wrenching or building.

I’m always amazed at how well the remodeled houses and rebuilt hot rods turn out.

If I were better able to comprehend and retain knowledge, I would by now have rebuilt the automatic transmission in my truck and installed a heated floor in my house. It all looks so easy.

But I’m well aware of my limited abilities.

That may be why I’m a huge fan of the Discovery

Channel show Alaskan Bush People which features the Browns, a family of morons fighting to survive off the grid. They’ve got nothing on me.

I consider myself a passable carpenter, but compared to the Browns I’m a master craftsman. The family of nine live in the bush in coastal Alaska in a compound they call Browntown. The eldest son lives in a hut made of old tires, another son lives in a tent, and the remainder of the family rest their heads in a cobbled-together hovel that sits in a sea of mud.

They hunt, fish and barter with equal degrees of ineptitude.

A recent episode featured two of the boys traveling by canoe on a deer hunt. One of them was using a snow shovel as a paddle.

Another episode showed the oldest son holding his spinning rod upside down in an effort to catch a fish.

Now I’m aware that most reality shows are a bit contrived, but it’s usually some sort of made-up conflict, not the dumbing down of the entire cast. The Browns lack of skill in nearly every endeavor they tackle, however, may be genuine.

As, I suspect, is their lack of teeth. The whole family combined hardly has a mouthful.

But whatever the magic, Alaskan Bush People, has it in spades. I feel better about myself every time I watch.

Which isn’t the case with Truck Tech or Flip or Flop or the rest of my favorite reality show offerings. They make the difficult look easy when in reality it isn’t.

The Browns on the other hand struggle with the simplest of tasks, dress inappropriately, and generally don’t have a clue.

For me, at least, that’s as real as it gets.

Parker Heinlein is at

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