I am the 'riff raff', it seems

I often hear that we’re losing access to our public lands. It’s the mantra of the motorized crowd who regularly lament the closing of old logging roads.

Now the same crowd is raising a fuss over new restrictions concerning motorized travel on some of Montana’s rivers.

I never viewed motorized restrictions as limiting my access. Quite the opposite in fact. They gave me a leg up. For much of my life I was too poor to afford even a 4WD pickup, let alone an ATV or a snowmobile. I walked or skied or paddled.

Then the financial picture brightened a bit and I was able to purchase a few motorized toys. Now that we’re going to make America Great Again, I’m rethinking this whole muscle-power thing.

I used to think motorized restrictions were a great way to keep out the riff raff. Now I am the riff raff.

You’d think a couple of motorboats, an ATV, an SUV, and a 4WD pickup would be enough. So did I. Then I heard about a jet-powered surfboard that will do 60 mph.

“Gotta get me one of them,” I told myself after watching a YouTube video of some guy carving turns on one while cruising up a river.

But just my luck, as I was online shopping for a power board, I got wind of the “Quiet Waters” initiative under consideration by the Montana Department of Fish, Wildlife and Parks.

The initiative would restrict motorized travel on some Montana streams and completely ban it on others.

I was outraged. What happened to my right to enjoy Montana in whatever bad-ass way I want?

I suppose I might as well cancel my order for that new DTV Shredder, too, a dual-track contraption that’s described as a combination monster truck, skate board and jet ski. Powered by a throaty 200cc one-lunger, the Shredder, which looks sort of like Frankenstein’s Segway, will literally tear up the trails.

I thought I needed me one of them, too, but it looks like I’d only be able to run it in my yard and I don’t want to tear up the lawn. Apparently I’ve lost my right to party on public land as I see fit.

My access is being taken away by folks who seem to have an aversion to noise and excessive speed. That’s not American, but I suspect they aren’t, either.

It will be interesting to see what the future holds. In the meantime I guess I’ll just have to walk.

Parker Heinlein is at

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