My attempt at King's 'Two Cents'

If the saying “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” is to be believed, then I’m about to soft-soap the heck out of Larry King. For many years, King wrote a weekly column entitled My Two Cents in which he rambled on incoherently and filled the USA Today’s opinion page with non sequiturs and ridiculous reflections. Here goes nothing.

I wonder how long it will take for my puppy to be able to control his bladder and not pee on everyone he sees when he gets excited? Like master, like pooch, I suppose.

Some feel that the Electoral College is archaic and needs to be updated while others feel it represents the country’s voters beautifully and the Founding Fathers got it right. For those of you who believe that the Electoral College is antiquated, too bad for you. Get out there and fight to change it before the next presidential election or stop complaining. For those of you who think the Electoral College is the bee’s knees and that the 12th amendment to the United States Constitution gets it right, keep in mind the original electoral college made the person with the most votes president and the candidate receiving the second-most votes the vice president. Any supporters out there for the Trump/Clinton ticket?

The bulb on the Malta High School announcement board in front of the Phillips County library seems to be going dim.

Deadline day at the Phillips County News is Monday at noon, but please don’t wait that long to submit things. The early bird catches the worm and the early submitter gets stuff in the paper.

I write today’s column hands-free. I installed a new program that allows me to talk to my computer thus freeing up my hands for other things. As I “talk” this column, I am also cooking an omelet, starting next year’s taxes and changing the oil in my car. All typos in this week’s column are attributed to my mush mouth. Technology is grand!

Sometimes when I am listening back to an interview conducted in my office, I hear the chimes on the front door of the Phillips County News building ring. Like a trained monkey, my head shoots up over the computer monitor to see who’s coming through the door before I realize that the jangling of the chimes happened days ago during the recording. Technology stinks!

Many people think Pooh Bear is cute, but the reality is he’s a rabble-rouser who causes problems for his friends, leading them into mischief and mayhem and I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten anyone killed yet.

Thanks for reading a lot (that should say ‘and aloha’… what a mumble-mouth.)