Turkey didn't complain, macaw might have

I wonder what the bird said.

A Great Falls man faces charges of animal abuse after allegedly attacking his pet macaw on Thanksgiving.

According to a story in the Great Falls Tribune, David Boyken is charged with choking the bird and breaking its leg.

Investigating officers found blood and feathers at the scene.

Although Boyken's wife supposedly witnessed the incident, the story failed to mention who called police. My guess is the bird.

I suspect the macaw had had his fill of this creep and called him out.

Boyken, who cops say was "highly intoxicated" when they arrived, has a history of animal abuse, having been previously convicted of slitting a dog's throat.

The story didn't say whether the bird had also been drinking.

We had parakeets when I was a kid, but I don't recall anyone in the family ever getting into drunken brawl with them. Mom complained a bit about the mess they left, however, she wasn't a drinker and the birds didn't talk back.

We had one who could say "Hello" and another who could say "Pretty bird." Boyken's macaw must have had a much more colorful vocabulary.

The news story resonated with me for a couple of reasons: As a bird hunter I'm regularly subjected to avian verbal abuse, and I still have a pet parakeet, albeit a plastic one.

My wife gave me a Perfect Polly last Christmas and while it was advertised as the "perfect pet" it was cheaply made and soon lost a leg. Without two legs to stand on, Polly now lies on her side on the bottom of the cage, yet still chirps merrily whenever I walk by.

And if I walk by often enough that the merry chirping becomes annoying, Polly can be switched off with the flick of a switch. No need to throttle Perfect Polly.

The birds I hunt aren't so easily turned off. Rooster pheasants, and in particular, sharptail grouse, are quite noisy. Cackling roosters aren't crying "pretty bird"' when they flush out of the cattails, and sharpies always sound like they're laughing when they fly away. They probably are.

So you can see that I, more than most other folks, may have reason to be sympathetic to Boyken's plight. But I'm not. I always root for the birds.

The macaw is awaiting surgery at a veterinary hospital in Great Falls. It will remain in the state's custody following surgery.

I just wonder what it said.

Parker Heinlein is at

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