That's the name they gave me

I never cared much for my name.

Although not as much a burden as a “Boy named Sue,” the moniker Parker would not have been my choice. Growing up, my friends had common names -- Mike and Steve and Gary. I didn’t meet another Parker until my friend Johnny named his middle son after me.

When I’d tell people my name was Parker, they’d often ask: “What’s your first name?”

It set me apart from the crowd when all I wanted to do was fit in.

My wife thought it still did when she called the radio station last week after my friend E Dub’s spinning rods blew out of the boat on the way back to town from the lake.

I was cleaning a walleye at the kitchen sink when the announcer read the missing fishing tackle report and asked listeners to call “Parker” at our phone number if anyone had found the rods.

“Why did you give them my name?” I asked Barb, a bit irritated. “You should have just given the number to call.”

I dreaded the crank calls and the ribbing I was sure to receive.

“Hey Parker, I hear you lost your fishing rods.”

But the calls never came.

That’s one of the advantages of living where I do. There were two Parkers in this year’s graduating class at Malta High School. My name’s nothing special up here.

Unfortunately, the phone still hasn’t rung. E Dub’s rods were either picked up by someone who decided to keep them or they’ll turn up later this summer in a bale of right-of-way hay.

I told him he should start buying better -- or at least heavier -- tackle. I’ve never lost a rod that way and I always leave them there on the ride home, lying flat on the bottom of the boat.

He had already lost another spinning outfit earlier this summer following an errant cast that carried it overboard. It sank in 16 feet of cold water, and one of the rods that blew out of the boat was a brand new replacement for that one.

I’m still half expecting a phone call.

“Is this Parker? I think I found your rods.”

But they may not know which Parker to call, and I’m not about to add my last name to the missing fishing tackle report. While Parker would never have been my choice, at least it’s easy to pronounce.

Parker Heinlein is at [email protected]