If memory serves ... and it doesn't

I’m only 41 – 177 in dog years – and that will seem young to some of you, dear readers, and others will think it’s time for me to join AARP, but lately I’ve been feeling my age.

It’s not because of my creaking knees or the surplus of hair growing from my ears (Egad, what purpose do they serve?) It’s not because I sometimes hear my favorite song in an elevator or that my eyebrows are starting to look like caterpillars.

No, gang, I’m feeling old because lately I can’t seem to remember anyone’s name. If you are not named “Donny,” “Marco,” “Pete,” or “Janice” and you don’t work in the office of the Phillips County News, odds are that if I have met you, I have forgotten your name.

Maybe it has nothing to do with age? Maybe I am simply outnumbered by the amount of new people I am meeting these days. Or maybe it is the simple fact that I have 13 plates spinning in the air on any given day –ask the ladies at the Post Office, they can verify.

Whatever the reason, there has been a lot of the scenario described below played out as of late.

“Hey, Mark, how is it going today,” says someone who looks and sounds familiar.

“Heeeyyyyy, You,” I say, embarrassed and confused, but trying to keep up appearances. “How about this zany weather … zoinks.”

I just want to say, if I forget your name, it is not because I don’t like you or think you are a zombie trying to eat my brain (and a small meal that would be.)

So, in a bind, I’ve come up with a master plan to learn everyone’s name. The next time you see me, I will have a pocketful of “Hello, My Name” stickers. You tell me your name, I’ll write it down on the sticker, and then you wear it for the next 12-months. This is how I helped my daughter learn her times tables and what’s good for the kiddo is good for Daddy-O.

Edit: I just did some last-minute calculations. Now I’m now math wizard, but there is almost 2,000 people in Phillips County and a 25-count of name tags is $2.75. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that would cost me almost $40 million dollars. I will double check with Sue and Carol at the post office, they enjoy my mathematic adventures, but at that rate my daughter will have to go to college in Mexico.

My other idea, and maybe this one is more feasible, is when I meet you and don’t remember your name, I’ll just ask you to spell it for me being that I am a journalist and such.

Edit: That will work well with all the Cebulskis, Ereauxs and Oxararts about town, but not so much with Harvey Smith. This idea has also been 86’d.

I got it! If I look higgledy-piggledy when you see me, just say this:

“Hi Mark, I’m (insert name here) from (insert position) and we met at (insert meeting.) How about this zany weather…zoinks.

I will learn your names, but bear with me. I’m 41 and feeling overwhelmed. See you soon…uh, you.