One Nation, Under God

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  • They look and sound like you and me

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|May 25, 2022

    Homelessness isn’t much of a problem in the little town where I live. We offer few services to the passing-through poor and don’t have a shelter. Although we’re surrounded by thousands of acres of public land, it’s too isolated, too wild up here for a homeless camping crowd that thrives on panhandling and free cheese. Bozeman’s recently completed homeless shelter immediately began attracting a crowd and all 40 beds quickly filled. Not too many years ago there, the homeless, who were then referre...

  • Still able to float my boat

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|May 18, 2022

    I hadn’t been fishing in a while. Not like this anyway. For three days in a row, my friend Mike and I fished Fort Peck Lake from morning ‘til night with little interference other than time out to cook meals and run the dogs. We didn’t catch a lot of fish, but we caught enough to keep ourselves fed. I could live on fresh walleye. The weather was typical of early May, running the gamut from cold and rainy to warm and windy. One minute we’d be skimming along at full throttle and the next we’d be sl...

  • Everything changes, including me

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|May 11, 2022

    I’m not a guy who dwells on the good old days. Everything changes. Including me. But really, it‘s hard to ignore. Does everything have to change for the worse? Bitter cold combined with drought eliminated almost all of my pond fishing hot spots in recent years. Restocking might bring them back, but not necessarily in time for me to ever fish there again. Fishing the Yellowstone River in the park – a rigorous hike in and out -- used to be a 40-fish-a-day type of place. Now I’m lucky to catch a...

  • The Rock Creek Library is nearly complete

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|May 4, 2022

    During a meeting of our cabin owners association last fall it was suggested that one of those little free libraries would be a good addition to the community. A board member immediately spoke up and asked if anyone actually read books anymore? It was a telling question. Books are apparently passé to a growing number of folks in this country who often equate book learnin’ to liberal thinkin’ and we don’t want none of that. But after a bit of discussion it was decided that a free library might...

  • It's the lazy man's time of year

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Apr 27, 2022

    It’s hard to turn on the TV or open the laptop without being inundated with tips on how to get ready for spring. Prepare those vegetable beds now! Check this list before you put that boat in the water! Now is the time to start working on your beach body! What you need to know about your pets as spring approaches! I suppose people like to read that stuff as they come out of semi-hibernation. I take a more organic approach to this change of season. After all, if you do absolutely nothing to get r...

  • Camping in April; I used to know better

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Apr 20, 2022

    My memory is beginning to fail. I used to know better. You don’t camp in Montana in April. I forgot that. A couple of weeks ago Barb and I hooked the pickup to our camper trailer and drove south to Park County. We set up camp on a bluff above the Yellowstone River and enjoyed an afternoon of beautiful weather. Shortly after we arrived the campground begin to fill. I thought that a bit odd. I was expecting to have the place to ourselves, but there are a lot more people in Park and Gallatin counti...

  • The secret is already out

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Apr 13, 2022

    I recently read an article questioning the ethics of journalists who write about the wonders of Yellowstone National Park. Fearing the park is being loved to death, the author wrote that stories extolling the wonders of Yellowstone might do more harm than good, implying that keeping secret the “Top ten day hikes in the Park,” or the “Most picturesque picnic areas,” could somehow ease crowding and maybe save the place. I disagree. The secret is already out. Nobody stumbles upon Yellows...

  • I guess I'm just lucky

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Apr 6, 2022

    I guess I’m just lucky to have survived this far. The recent deaths of a backcountry snow-biker, and a horn hunter hit me particularly hard. I didn’t know either victim, but I knew what they were doing and where they were doing it. I’d been there. While I’ve never been caught in an avalanche it wasn’t because of any great care taken by me to avoid one. I skied Miller Mountain above Cooke City where the snow-biker died many times, never fearing for my safety. I should have. I should have paid...

  • I don't want you to be disappointed

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Mar 30, 2022

    I recently read that Kalispell is the fastest-growing town of its size in the nation. Bozeman isn’t far behind in third place. Apparently both towns offer what newcomers are looking for: mountainous vistas, fast-flowing streams, and every retail shopping and dining opportunity available. But now an even more ominous trend is beginning to creep across the sprawling Big Sky landscape: folks are leaving those over-crowded hot spots and moving to the ‘burbs, in this case eastern Montana. Could Glend...

  • My fear is becoming a realization

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Mar 23, 2022

    When we bought our cabin on Fort Peck Lake I had one immediate fear: the lake would leave. Entering our seventh season at the cabin my fear is being realized. The bay out our back door is rapidly receding, so much so that by ice-out I don’t think there will be enough water left to float our boats. My fear was based on an old photograph in the Billings Gazette taken from the Rock Creek Marina, less than a mile by water from our cabin. It showed an expanse of dry, weedy land that used to be c...

  • Homesick during our vacation

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Mar 16, 2022

    Radio cranked, the family truckster humming along at 110 while the high Nevada desert passes by in a blur, I was suddenly struck by a wave of homesickness. I sure miss Montana. Plastic grocery bags caught in the sagebrush, snapping in the wind next to the road, reminded me of home. A week in southern California had been more than enough. The food, always a prime motivator of our travel, was as good as it had been two years ago when we visited SoCal just before the pandemic hit. After five days...

  • I've been told nearly all of my life...

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Mar 9, 2022

    I’m befuddled by the legions of folks complaining about their loss of freedoms. Maybe I’m just naive, but I don’t seem to have lost any. For a third of the year I wander the landscape unfettered, shotgun or rifle in hand, ready to shoot at stuff. That hasn’t changed since I was a kid although I’ve been told nearly all my life that someone is coming to take my guns. I do remember when mail-order firearm sales were prohibited, something to do with JFK’s assassination, I seem to recall. But...

  • No doubt about who is in charge

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Mar 2, 2022

    I can tell from my dogs’ behavior that hunting season ended some time ago. From September through December they behave as if well trained. They sleep a lot, rarely get into mischief, and seldom need correcting. Then the season ends and while I always vow to walk them regularly, I don’t. Instead, they, like me, quickly return to their slothful, ill-disciplined ways. I have a friend who has pointing dogs that accompany him on trail runs year round. Both he and his dogs stay in great shape and out...

  • Two very different Montanas

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Feb 23, 2022

    There are two very different Montanas. One is booming economically with skyrocketing home prices as newcomers flock there to get a piece of the Big Sky. It’s the Montana that’s pictured in magazines and on the big screen. The other is where I live, the Montana folks are leaving or stuck in with few job prospects and only distant mountains or bad lands on the horizon. I couldn’t be happier with my choice. When Barb and I left Bozeman 16 years ago and moved to Malta we jokingly told people that...

  • Wolves are what elk used to be

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Feb 16, 2022

    It doesn’t seem so long ago that folks were all worked up about the reintroduction of wolves to Yellowstone National Park. There were worries that the predators would devastate the elk herds, then move out of the park and begin preying on cattle. Outfitters and ranchers were up in arms. While elk numbers in the park fell drastically following the reintroduction, cattle survived relatively unscathed. And we were told the wolves weren’t actually killing all the elk, but simply redistributing the...

  • Barb wasn't going to ride tandem

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Feb 9, 2022

    While visiting with an old friend recently I happened to mention my snowmobiles. He took a step back, a shocked look on his face. “You have a snowmobile?” he asked. “Two, in fact,” I told him. His surprise was understandable. When I lived in the mountains I was a cross-country skier, not a ‘biler, although the choice was more economical at the time than aesthetic. All I could afford were skis. And I was once even censured by the paper I worked for after writing a column criticizing an effort to...

  • How did they know what I was drinking?

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Feb 2, 2022

    I’ve never been much of a conspiracy theory guy. I don’t believe there was a second shooter on the grassy knoll. I don’t think the moon landing was a hoax. I’m not convinced that the covid vaccine is actually a ploy to plant a microchip in me. But still I wonder how the makers of Bombay gin knew to send me a pop-up ad on my laptop right after I had finished a gin and tonic last night. I’d posted no comment about my refreshing libation. I was home alone. How did they know what I was drinking?...

  • Mixed emotions about extending bird season

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Jan 26, 2022

    I have mixed feelings about a recent proposal to extend the upland bird season one more month. While I’d love to keep hunting until the end of January, my wife, I’m sure has other thoughts. The season currently runs from Sept. 1 to Jan. 1. Barb’s fine for the first three months, but after that her patience begins to grow thin. “Is it over yet?” she starts asking. In my defense I list the chores and projects around the house that I had completed during the fall. It’s never a very long list....

  • Newspapers going the way of the pay phone

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Jan 19, 2022

    Barb and I were invited to speak to students during career day at the high school last week. The author of more than 115 books, she had quite a bit to say. As a former newspaperman I didn’t. As much as I enjoyed my time in the business, it’s hard to seriously encourage young folks to get newspaper jobs. Newspapers are fast going the way of the pay phone. I kept thinking about my visit to the Bozeman Chronicle last month. I’d spent 20 years there as a reporter and editor during which time circula...

  • It's been a while since I saw a bear

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Jan 12, 2022

    It’s been a while since I saw a bear in my neighborhood. We had them in our yard once in Bozeman as evidenced by the scat they left. I have a wonderful photo of a black bear running full tilt through the cemetery behind my daughter’s house in Livingston. I used to have to shoo them off the porch of my cabin in Cooke City. But once Barb and I moved to Malta I pretty much gave up hope of seeing any more bears near where I live. After all, we’re miles from the mountains on the tree-less prair...

  • I worry about my dogs

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Jan 5, 2022

    I worry about my dogs. More than I should. It might be all those photos of lost and missing dogs I see every day on the Internet. I haven’t lost a dog in some time so there’s little cause for alarm. I keep them in a fenced yard. The young, fast one wears an electronic collar when we hunt. The older one seldom leaves my side. But I worry nonetheless. Each time I open my laptop I see all those missing dogs. If mine aren’t in the room I go looking for them. I’ve never lost a dog for long. My dear...

  • It's not that I don't like people

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Dec 29, 2021

    As we drove north the temperature headed south. We’d spent a few days visiting friends and family in Livingston, shopped a bit in Bozeman, and were on our way home to Malta. It’s always fun to see the economic vitality and growth in that part of the state, but it’s become another one of those places that are nice to visit but I sure wouldn’t want to live there. Instead, I live in a place few folks visit, and fewer still want to make their home. However, that’s a big part of the appeal for me. I...

  • I have always been a closet fan

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Dec 22, 2021

    Thirty-seven years ago I sat in the stands at Reno H. Sales Stadium and watched the Montana State Bobcats beat Rhode Island to advance to the NCAA Division I-AA title game. It was the last time I cheered in public for the Bobcats. A few weeks later I got a part-time job at the Bozeman Chronicle as a sportswriter and began my newspaper career. Being objective in my reporting was of the upmost importance. I was no longer a fan, but I now got paid to go to games, sit in the best seat in the house,...

  • Ace and I are the same age

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Dec 15, 2021

    My dog Ace and I are the same age. In dog years, anyway. He’s aging faster than me, of course, but for a short time, we’re both at the same point in our journey. The similarities are a bit disturbing. Neither of us is as strong and fast as we used to be. We’re both easily confused, and we share a multitude of aches and pains. Pushing my way through the cattails yesterday I tripped over Ace and we fell in a tangle. After exchanging a few heated words we picked ourselves up, dusted off the snow...

  • I'm sure we will have a white Christmas

    Parker Heinlein, Outdoors Columnist|Dec 8, 2021

    It snowed yesterday. Not a big dump. Only four or five inches. But it’s going nowhere. There’s a very good chance this snow will still be on the ground come March, and very little chance it will melt before then. We don’t typically get a lot of snow up here, but what falls this late stays. Malta is just far enough north to miss the chinook winds that bring relief to much of the rest of the state. Months pass in the dark of winter here without the mercury ever rising above freezing. We tell...

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